Ugliness - Alyssa's Story

written by Alyssa Hickman, Australia

It's weird how the "ugly" almost always in somehow attack the beautiful and through out my life I've seen it happen in more ways then one from world-wide suicide bombings to our own personal attacks of terrorism that we all go through at some stage in our lives from family deaths and family break-ups our society has witnessed it all some grew stronger some just stop growing.

Our family thought the bad times were over at least for us, we moved from house to house looking for somewhere safe we didn't realise how close our next problem would be. There was no running from this one it hit as all head, on and it hit us all hard, we had no choice but to face it, Ugliness had struck again but this time it was my little sister that had to stand tall.

So now we are driving to Westmead Hospital after my beautiful sixteen year old sister was diagnosed with cancer three months ago. Our worst form of ugliness yet, a temperamental disease with a horrible treatment but our only cure. The cure in most cases is worst than the disease itself.

So now my beautiful sixteen year old sister stands in front of me once the most attractive, popular girl our small town has seen now bald, pail and skinny still beautiful but now in a different way so innocent, so scarred not knowing what tomorrow will bring if tomorrow ever comes.

Now we all find ourselves here again all ready for our next trip the next stage to our journey and we all tell ourselves quietly only five more weeks to go.

Its a hot afternoon were all thankful our car has air conditioning cause we all know its going to be long trip just like the one we took yesterday.

Songs are playing from the past and we all find ourselves remembering times long before, before fights, before loss, before illness good times and even though back then they seemed bad compared to the burden of my sisters illness now, its them bad times we look back at with envy and interpret it as good.

The news comes on fights and chaos cover the city of Sydney and even though we don’t know anyone involved or effected and we don't live in the area we cant help but to feel concerned, worried and scared for the people hurt, the people involved, their families and the unknown outcomes which may determine the future of Sydney maybe even the whole country if it gets to that. Again spreading like an infectious disease beautiful homes, beautiful cars, beautiful people, all infected, all destroyed, by the ugliness and brutality of this small war taking place in the city that we are racing to get to so that my sister can receive her treatment to her own personal war, her internal ugliness that we are all fighting so hard to free her of.

Incompetent drivers making stupid decisions all holding us up, slowing us down from our now familiar destination half an hour to get there an hour of road left to go but if the roads are good and the traffics clear we should get there in time.

As I look out the passenger side window and watch the clouds above I get lost in the moment not watching the road I feel the breaks lock up I hear the screech I close my eyes all we need I’m waiting for the bang but I don’t hear it somehow my mother got out of it again I open my eyes as she screams at another incompetent driver we continue our journey just a small bump in our way but now there’s traffic ahead and our hopes of getting there in time are shattered but traffic clears to let us through like they know our situation know how bad we need to be there we have ten minutes its only over the hill its possible if ahead traffic conditions would only allow it.

Seven minutes later and we pull at the hospital we've got there on time to get her in for her treatment and she's there getting ready for the radio-therapy we all sit outside patiently

Another day down another trip home forgetting or just ignoring that tomorrow we have to go through it all again.

Today’s journey down tomorrows hasn't even begun.


A true Story.